Off the Fence

When you think about sitting on the fence you will find is not that comfortable. Fences are often narrow, and it takes skill to climb up and wiggle to find the right spot. Once you get there, it is astonishing how long we manage to remain on top of that fence.

The reason we climb up is not always straight forward. Sometimes we need time to process information and weigh up the pros and cons before a decision is reached. Sometimes we climb upon the for mentioned fence to protect ourselves from others who are more outspoken, or who ‘know it all’. Sitting on the fence buys the climber a certain amount of time.

After years of sitting on the fence, I decided to come off.  As a mature adult I can now make my own choices and decisions; as a ‘grown up’ you can do what you like, right? Clearly it is not that simple, there is still a fear of being judged.

The people who raised us have a persistent voice, and I am sure you still hear the voice of a teacher, parent or other elders, sharing their insights and teaching with a clarity we struggle to mimic or even ignore. I cannot remember when I stopped ‘looking over my shoulder’, wondering what ‘they’ might have to say about my choices and how I would answer their ‘questions and concerns’.

I am Dutch, down to earth, practical and intelligent. So why would I be interested in God? Or in faith-traditions and theology?  I tried to explain and share my insights, but for some reason, matters of faith are not always intelligible; they are matters of the heart. In general, I am quite capable of getting my point across, but not always in faith matters.

Stumbling and stuttering, I worked my way through the real and imagined conversations. I knew I was responding to a sense of calling and it felt right, despite more struggles and scuffles in and outside the ‘church’. I knew I didn’t have all the answers and there were and are days, where I look at myself and wonder if I got it all wrong?

For example, look at how the church as an institution, treats women, teaches dogmas whose purpose appears to be exercising power and control, or where asking questions is seen as not having the ‘right faith’, etc.

As a result I climbed the fence between Buddhist practice, mindfulness, meditation and a Christian Faith where God loves us. After years of wriggling and peeking over the fence on either side, I finally discovered that the fence was not connected to anything. There is just some fencing put up in the middle of the paddock of faith.

I discovered that I could be a committed Franciscan and have a so-called Buddhist spiritual practice at the same time. You see, there is a long history of Christian meditation, and Buddhist do not necessarily deny the existence of God, they simply get on with being aware and letting go.

I was brought up with the saying: “We all have to work out our own salvation”. Whether salvation and awakening or being saved could be the same thing for different people was a question I had not learned to ask. Some people would argue that this is a matter of culture and language rather than belief systems.

The amusing thing is that the Bible teaches that we are ‘saved by grace’. There is nothing you have to do! 

Buddhist’s teach that once you realise that there is nothing you have to do, simply be present in the moment and that is your 'awakening'. Simple but hard to do.

So I have come off the fence, I practice meditation, I read the ‘heart sutra’ and the Bible. I still question some teachings of the church, and I wonder if God does the same!

 

 

Seek Peace. Find it within.