Waiting

 

“Are we there yet?” 

I am sure a lot of parents have heard this question from their little people on the back seat. Maybe in combination with a ‘Mumm he is annoying me…”

 

Waiting, and having patience is something we have to learn, it doesn’t come easy. It takes practice. In our western culture, where we look for more efficiency, where we often hurry to get on to the next task, waiting is a nuisance. It slows us down in our effort to achieve life. We have people to see and things to do. We want to make things happen, not wait and waste time.

 

Christmas is only a few more sleeps. The time for ‘waiting’ is almost over. Children everywhere are anxiously awaiting the time where they may open their presents. The adults look forward to good food, maybe a few drinks, and catching up with friends and relatives and spending quality time in the park or on the beach. Well that is for us in the Southern Hemisphere! I suppose those in the Northern Hemisphere will sit close to the heater and play board-games!

 

Waiting. People do not like waiting. However, we practice this regularly. Waiting in line, in traffic; waiting for other people to answer our emails or phone calls, or even waiting for our children to finish their sports training. 

 

Waiting for the results of the latest blood test or ultra-scan. Waiting for a baby to be born, a person to retire or even to die. This form of waiting has a variety of emotions attached to it. Eagerly awaiting, with anticipation of what is to come.

Often it is not so much the time spent waiting; it is the uncertainty that plays on our mind. 

 

Waiting is about patience and trust. We know that if we wait, the light will turn green again, and we get our turn. The queue at the supermarket will eventually disappear. With patience, certain things will resolve themselves.

While waiting for the test results and the subsequent treatment requires trust. Trust in the doctors and other medical staff to help our bodies heal. The longer we have to wait, the more uncertainty can play on our mind. Our mind hate uncertainty; it becomes restless and creates more suffering by going round and round in circles and playing every ‘what if?’ Scenario under the sun. Centering prayer and mindfulness are helpful tools to combat this situation.

 

In this season of Advent, where Christians wait with expectation on the arrival of baby Jesus, is a time for each individual to ponder upon some questions. The medieval mystic Meister Eckhart writes: “We are all meant to give birth to God”. I have to work out how do I give birth to Christ within me?” What is my role in the world of social justice?

Waiting and wondering does not have to be lost time. Waiting can be a powerful tool to create the life we want. In this age of ‘instant gratification’ time out is a useful way to reassess what we need and how we can assist those around us. 

 

Buddhism teaches us to be mindful; to stay in the moment and to slow down. Buddhism teaches us that by being present, we minimize the suffering, rather than trying to bliss out or cover-up. 

 

The link between ‘Christianity’ and ‘Buddhist’ waiting lies in the shared notion of ‘letting go’. Unfortunately, Christianity is more concerned with ‘saving souls’ rather than with letting go, as Richard Rohr suggests in The Art of Letting Go. 

 

For me, Advent is not an empty waiting. I am invited to examine my way of life, how to be the best version of me and to be Christ in other people’s lives, as well as being Christ for others. 

       

         

Seek Peace. Find it within.

 

Discipline

We are reaching the end of the year and are planning for the next.

The experience of an unprecedented year, a year coloured by the effects of the pandemic, which has effected many, if not all the aspects of daily life as we knew it.

Looking back, most of us have most likely forgotten about ‘the News Year’s resolutions’ we made, the pandemic drowned the hopes and dreams we had for 2020.

We all hope for an uneventful 2021. Getting back on track with our resolutions of a healthier version of ourselves, or with an idea of goals to achieve, and plans to make.

Discipline is a word most of us struggle with. Whether from a work perspective where ‘disciplinary meetings’ are a reality, or disciplining our children as well as self-discipline are not words we tend to use in daily conversation.

‘Spiritual disciplines’ in more recent years, have now become ‘spiritual practices’, and I suspect there are similar changes in our vocabulary concerning our health habits. Life-coaches like to talk about goals, motivation and focus points, which we attempt to achieve with discipline and hard work.

Self-discipline was never my forte. However, I like the idea of a ‘sporty’ version of myself, vibrant, peaceful and serene. This, however, requires a lot of discipline. Practising self-discipline, in what I eat and drink, the amount of exercise and meditation I engage in. Discipline and motivation are the motor behind my achievement. Whatever we desire or want to accomplish, requires commitment and input.

Richard Foster, in his book ‘Celebration of Discipline’, identifies inward and outward spiritual disciplines. Meditation, study and prayer are aspects of the inward disciplines, whereas simplicity, solitude and service are identified as outward disciplines. Both inward and outward disciplines require commitment and time from those on the journey.

Recently I was reminded of the Old Testament story where Naaman went to Elisha in the hope to be healed from leprosy. The remedy was almost too simple, Naaman had to bathe himself seven times in the river Jordan. He grumbled and said the rivers closer to home were cleaner, and why would he bother. He was disappointed that Elisha didn’t perform any miracles. After some encouragement of those with him, Naaman did as he was instructed, and was healed.

This reminds us that sometimes solutions are simple but effective and that Naaman himself needed to want the change and do it. No one could do it for him. Often that is the case for us as well. If we wish to change and work towards a healthier body, learn a new skill, or gain a deeper spiritual practice, we need to put the time and effort in to achieve our goals. No one can do it for us.

With Christmas and the festive season looming, it requires self-discipline to keep our practices up. Praying, meditation, healthy eating and whatever you do to stay on top of your desired outcome as well as enjoying the company of family and friends.

For me, that means setting time apart to be on my own, to keep some routine of exercise and meditation as well as putting in the effort for healthy meals. At this time of the year when consumerism is working overtime and ‘desires’ are created and fed, I need to remain focused on personal aims. To strive for simplicity and service, rather than following the “more, more and more”, of the marketing industry which is highly seductive and irresistible.

 

Seek Peace. Find it within.

 

 

 

Advent

Christmas is upon us.

Carols greet us as we enter shops. They encourage us to focus on presents, to buy for our loved ones, rather than on the Divine Presence. Supermarkets started stocking the Christmas goodies weeks ago. The Christmas lighting has been on the shelves, ready for lavishly decorating our homes. The theme is to spend, spend and spend. Due to Covid-19 nor have we been able to travel overseas, nor have we had a decent holiday. We are ready for some distractions. People are tired, and are looking forward to summer holidays, time-out and catching up with friends and families.

Going on a regular retreat was a requirement for clergy in the past. Nowadays, it is a recommendation. Advent retreats were common, now they are hard to find. A retreat to take some time out of commitments and to prepare for the coming of the Christ child. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

How do we prepare for Advent and Christmas? Advent was like Lent, a time of sombre anticipation and reflection. Both are a time for spiritual preparation. A time for prayer, and in some traditions, time for repentance, and taking time out from our demanding jobs and lifestyles. The advent wreath with the four candles that symbolize Hope, Peace, Joy and Love, was designed to help us on this journey.

However, the world has changed. There are hardly any retreats offered. Some people would argue there is no need for this Advent preparation, the Holy Spirit is with us till Christ comes again. I think it is more complicated than that. When an Advent retreat was announced I was quite excited. A retreat in an intentional faith community, what else could we ask?

Silence, reflection and walks in combination with interesting, thought-provoking input sessions, nice food and restful sleep… that was my hope....

The wind was howling, the rain relentless and my room was adjacent to the shared bathroom. The bed was uncomfortable, the input sessions very gentle, however the food was fantastic!

Although it was not what I had hoped, the Divine inspired and sustained me. The Divine within us, communicating with the Divine surrounding us, guiding and challenging me. The struggles I have with Church teachings and what I believe, are continuous. The Church as an institution is facing tumultuous times, similar to just before Jesus was born.

Sometimes retreats are peaceful and move like murmuring water- restful and inspiring. At other times one is invited to visit painful experiences. Returning to those times can be a time of healing, of growth.

This Advent retreat invited me to look at who I am before God. Our preparation was the passage from Mark’s Gospel, where Jesus asks Bartimaeus “What do you want me to do for you?” To which the blind Bartimaeus responds: “Rabbi, I want to see again”.

I too want to see, I want to awaken. Although faith is not a merely a question of believing, with Carl Jung I can say: “I know”. Deep down, I know. I know God. But to see a glimpse of the Divine in daily life, to be encouraged, to experience God, that is what I want.

A while ago I asked someone if they ever doubted, had they ever hoped for ‘a sign’? She said, for those who know, there is no need for a sign. For those who doubt, no sign will be sufficient. I still like a sign now and then. A fellow traveller on the road or some wisdom gleaned from another person’s experience.

Going on retreat I had hoped for a sign, an insight in the Divine existence. Looking for something that is right in my face, all the time.

It is called ‘open-handed living’, it is about awareness and perception. It is not about earth-shattering experiences, it is about showing up and slowing down.

It is about being present.

May you find a retreat in daily life, be open to God, and live open-handedly

I wish you a fruitful Advent.

 

 Seek Peace. Find it within.

Questions

Occasionally we hit a brick wall.
No inspiration flows to the surface.
It seems all we have are questions. There is nothing wrong with questions. Questions are good. They keep us from being complacent or even lazy.

Questions and their answers may require action or change. Sometimes it is much easier to stay with the status-quo, to do what we always do. And guess what? You get what you always got!

Questions are often a sign of imminent change. Change in direction, change in commitment, or maybe a realization that no change is required.

Today I have been pondering church services. A priest stated earlier in the week that we don’t come to church for ourselves, but for God. He suggested we might not feel like going, because it is bad weather; we may feel we don’t get anything out of it, or we want some space for ourselves. He continued, there are days he does not feel like taking a service. Maybe he wants some time for himself too!

To be honest, I am not sure that his reasoning or theology strikes a chord with me. I am not particularly clear on the fact that we go to church for God. I am not convinced that God expects us to show up. After all, if God is in all, and all things are in God, we don’t have to go anywhere to meet God.

I think people go to Church for a variety of reasons, ranging from connecting with like-minded people, to hoping for spiritual nourishment or inspiration. Maybe it does make them feel good? Those who have been brought up in the Roman Catholic Church might think they are under obligation? During lockdown, those in power stated that attending Mass by watching ‘online’ were fulfilling their obligation. This is another aspect that doesn’t sit well with me. ‘Obligation’ and ‘duty’ are red flags for power and control!

I understand the reason why we do things can be quite convoluted. There is often some historical reasoning and possible current hopes, which stimulate us to go to church. As long as the service is over and done within an hour, because there are other items on our busy ‘to-do lists’.

It is great to build community. The phrase ‘no man is an island’ certainly rings true. Community, and a sense of belonging are essential for our mental well-being. Church can fill that need and desire. However….

People are quite happy to chat before the service, rather than observe prayer full silence, because most people are caught up in their own lives and have enough on their plate.

Friendliness is vital for a Christian Community, but how many people stay behind and chat to newcomers? How many are willing and able to visit those in age care facilities, or who are lonely at home?

So do we need to go to church? And for whom?

My next question is, what is our expectation, and is that expectation valid? 

My hope is that the church community is engaging and interested in spiritual matters. That there are people with open and enquiring minds; people who are open to explore different concepts and a wider range of theology.

So far, my experience is that people do what they always do. They don’t seem to think or read much broader than their Parish priest, or the parish priest they grew up with. Indeed, the older generation seem to accept whatever is offered. The younger generation is too busy with work, family and sport commitments, the hour a week is all they have. Most people seem more interested in reality TV than reading philosophy or theology. So if you want anything more engaging than what is offered, you will have to find it yourself.

Faith appears to be dying out in our society.
And so I am pondering the consequences of that.

I wonder if the ‘double belonging’ like Zen and Catholicism will be the new norm.

Seek peace. Find it within.

 

Off the Fence

When you think about sitting on the fence you will find is not that comfortable. Fences are often narrow, and it takes skill to climb up and wiggle to find the right spot. Once you get there, it is astonishing how long we manage to remain on top of that fence.

The reason we climb up is not always straight forward. Sometimes we need time to process information and weigh up the pros and cons before a decision is reached. Sometimes we climb upon the for mentioned fence to protect ourselves from others who are more outspoken, or who ‘know it all’. Sitting on the fence buys the climber a certain amount of time.

After years of sitting on the fence, I decided to come off.  As a mature adult I can now make my own choices and decisions; as a ‘grown up’ you can do what you like, right? Clearly it is not that simple, there is still a fear of being judged.

The people who raised us have a persistent voice, and I am sure you still hear the voice of a teacher, parent or other elders, sharing their insights and teaching with a clarity we struggle to mimic or even ignore. I cannot remember when I stopped ‘looking over my shoulder’, wondering what ‘they’ might have to say about my choices and how I would answer their ‘questions and concerns’.

I am Dutch, down to earth, practical and intelligent. So why would I be interested in God? Or in faith-traditions and theology?  I tried to explain and share my insights, but for some reason, matters of faith are not always intelligible; they are matters of the heart. In general, I am quite capable of getting my point across, but not always in faith matters.

Stumbling and stuttering, I worked my way through the real and imagined conversations. I knew I was responding to a sense of calling and it felt right, despite more struggles and scuffles in and outside the ‘church’. I knew I didn’t have all the answers and there were and are days, where I look at myself and wonder if I got it all wrong?

For example, look at how the church as an institution, treats women, teaches dogmas whose purpose appears to be exercising power and control, or where asking questions is seen as not having the ‘right faith’, etc.

As a result I climbed the fence between Buddhist practice, mindfulness, meditation and a Christian Faith where God loves us. After years of wriggling and peeking over the fence on either side, I finally discovered that the fence was not connected to anything. There is just some fencing put up in the middle of the paddock of faith.

I discovered that I could be a committed Franciscan and have a so-called Buddhist spiritual practice at the same time. You see, there is a long history of Christian meditation, and Buddhist do not necessarily deny the existence of God, they simply get on with being aware and letting go.

I was brought up with the saying: “We all have to work out our own salvation”. Whether salvation and awakening or being saved could be the same thing for different people was a question I had not learned to ask. Some people would argue that this is a matter of culture and language rather than belief systems.

The amusing thing is that the Bible teaches that we are ‘saved by grace’. There is nothing you have to do! 

Buddhist’s teach that once you realise that there is nothing you have to do, simply be present in the moment and that is your 'awakening'. Simple but hard to do.

So I have come off the fence, I practice meditation, I read the ‘heart sutra’ and the Bible. I still question some teachings of the church, and I wonder if God does the same!

 

 

Seek Peace. Find it within.